What Can Parents Do to Help Their Children with Anxiety?

Parents, have you ever felt like anxiety is holding your child back from fully enjoying life? You're not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), approximately 9.4% of children aged 3-17 years (approximately 5.8 million) had diagnosed anxiety in 2016-2019. Anxiety affects millions of children, but here's some uplifting news: you have the power to make a big difference in your child's anxiety levels.

It's natural to want to protect your child from anxiety, but did you know that promising new research by Eli Lebowitz and colleagues (2020) indicates that learning specific ways of responding to your child’s anxiety may be as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), the gold standard in treating childhood anxiety? Yes, you heard that right!

Enter Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE): a program designed to help children feel less anxious, with parents playing a key role in the process (Lebowitz et al., 2014). The authors share that if you've ever questioned your role in easing your child's anxiety, you're not alone.

Questions like: "Why me? Isn't this my child's issue?"; "Who is the one needing care?"; "Am I being blamed for this?"; "What's my role when my child is the anxious one?" and others are common, valid, and even addressed in the SPACE program. It's completely normal to wonder about your role in your child's anxiety journey. “You are not the problem here; however, you can be an important part of the solution (Lebowitz et al., 2014).”

Think of it like this: Envision your child is diagnosed with a chronic illness, needing your care and advocacy. You naturally step in, becoming their strongest ally in the journey ahead. You might need to adjust your lifestyle, attend medical appointments, research treatment options, consult with experts, and provide emotional support. Would it be your fault that they're facing this challenge? Of course not! Similarly, if your child is struggling with anxiety, it's your role as a parent to support them in overcoming it—without placing blame. Sometimes, this means seeking professional treatment for your child, and other times, it involves seeking guidance for yourself. But ultimately, it's all part of being a compassionate parent. Supporting your child through their challenges, whether physical or emotional, is the role of a caring parent.

According to Lebowitz, the main aim of embracing these parenting techniques is not solely to assist your child in managing anxiety, specifically related to situations they tend to avoid, but rather to equip them with skills to effectively handle anxiety in any circumstance (Lebowitz et al., 2014). This is crucial because if a child has a predisposition to anxiety, conquering one fear might be followed by anxiety over another issue. By teaching your child to confront anxiety in a broader sense, you are offering them more than just relief from a single fear. The objective is to empower your child to cope more effectively with anxiety overall.

So, what does SPACE entail? It revolves around reinstating your child's independence, fostering coping abilities, and establishing a nurturing atmosphere where they feel secure in confronting their anxieties. Instead of constantly intervening to shield your child from anxiety, parents are encouraged to step back and allow their child to confront their fears. It's about striking a balance between providing support and empowering your child to develop confidence in managing situations that trigger anxiety.

This approach helps you to consider the balance between support and accommodating your child’s anxiety (Lebowitz et al., 2014). Imagine providing support in these situations:

1)    Instead of completing your child's homework for them due to their anxiety about academic performance, you establish a structured homework routine together, providing encouragement and support while allowing them to take ownership of their assignments and learn from their mistakes.

2)    Instead of making promises you cannot guarantee to keep in order to alleviate your child's anxiety about potential threats, validate their fears while emphasizing that life is unpredictable, and focus on building their resilience and coping skills to face challenges confidently.

3)    Instead of answering questions on behalf of your child during social interactions due to their anxiety, pause and give them the time to answer the question themselves or encourage them to practice communication skills by role-playing scenarios together at another time.

You might be curious about the actions to take in acquiring the abilities to assist your child in developing resilience and skills instead of constantly intervening to ease their anxiety. Here are the following steps outlined by the SPACE program as you embark on your path to offering your child the most effective anxiety support (Lebowitz et al., 2014).

1. Restore your child's autonomy: Encourage your child to take small steps towards facing their fears. This could be as simple as letting them choose their own outfit or decide what activity to do next.

2. Help your child build self-regulation and coping skills: Teach your child relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness to help them manage their anxiety when it arises.

3. Create a supportive community: Surround your child with understanding and supportive friends and family members who can offer encouragement and empathy.

4. Strengthen family collaboration and communication: Keep the lines of communication open within your family. Encourage everyone to share their feelings and listen to each other without judgment.

5. Take action together: Work as a team with your partner or co-parent to support your child's needs. Consistency and collaboration are key.

6. Avoid escalating situations: Try not to react impulsively to your child's anxiety. Stay calm and focus on finding constructive solutions together.

By incorporating these strategies into your parenting approach, you can create a nurturing environment where your child feels supported and empowered to manage their anxiety. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. You can always reach out to a therapist for additional support or check out helpful resources like this book, Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD: A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents and Treating Childhood and Adolescent Anxiety: A Guide for Caregivers.